If you’re ever going to trust in God make sure that you do it right first time. This will help you a lot in tackling all future challenges. Faith in God or believing in God, whichever way you chose to look at it must always be done right or else it does not work. When you do this, the very first thing you realize is how much you have been trusting in other things that took away all your ability to trust in the unseen God. First let me give you a background of where I come from then you will better understand these articles. In one of my previous posts I related how I belonged to a ‘gangster’ like group that gave me so much security that they had literally become my fortress in the township. During that era in the late seventies there were quite a lot of those both formal and informal criminal groups that you could not live without, that is if you really meant business with the township life. Some were simply for those needing to ‘just’ belong to a group and others were for those who were ‘more serious’ about belonging.

One thing I need to mention before continuing today is that when tough times come upon us the first thing we naturally do is to panic. And here I'm using the simple word; panic but which in reality is more on the demonic side of life than we care to believe. There were times in those days when I would be overcome by more than just what I call "human care". I'm referring to those moments when you unconsciously do that inner stock taking not because you are worried but simply trying to put two and two together. Then all of a sudden this demonic spirit engulfs you up to a point where you just want to die and get out of your challenges. The second thing I wish to mention as a drawback to your progress is a lack of insight.

BOOK LAUNCH - 4 DECEMBER 2011 - 16H00 @ THE FREEWAY TABERNACLE. (Reach Out For Christ) Midway, Soweto

Name of Book: Living Your Life in Stereo
Author: Montoedi Kotu
Pages 272
Book genre: Devotional, Motivational and self help

RSVP & Enquiries: Delores Mahlangu - delmahlangu@gmail.com - 0825642345
To attend the launch please be advised that the cost is: R300 per person. which includes a signed copy of the book by the author. Extra copies will be available at R150 per copy
Reservations will close on the 1st December 2011 @ 16H00

Today I will talk about 2 other things that are quite problematic in relationships today. They are Preferences and Principles. I do not wish to get too much into trying to give you the most accurate oxford dictionary meaning of these two words because the truth is, it is not knowing the definitions of words that make us accept the truth or the authority of the same. Let me give you an example: If you knew for the first time today that God means: self existent; all powerful; creator; mighty father; maker of all beings and one to whom we will have to give account on the day of judgement, Will it make you respect him better? I think no, it won't. Therefore I will just continue as if you know what these words mean, and in case you don't know, don't worry when i'm through explaining myself you will not only know what these words mean but also that what we know makes us responsible.

By now I'm sure that it is evident to you  that I am not here to offer any professional advice but just honest; practical; and proven methods you can live by. The next point I wish to address today is the issue of Compromise. Many people even after they have entered into marriage and other relationships that require nothing but the best out of them, still fail to transform. The word compromise will only sound threatening to those who are dominant and or defensive by nature or from experience. I grew up with three elder sisters who did all kinds of "parental experiments" on me. Looking back I'm convinced that these ladies were rehearsing for their parental eras ahead of them using me as a model. They would send me to do things that were way beyond my ability at that time, and they also reprimanded me just the opposite of how real mothers would do.

In this article I would like to contribute into the lives of those who are already married, and try help them to fill in some of those cracks that are already visible in their marriages. This will also come in handy to those who are already pledged to marry but are tempted to have second thoughts about going all the way.
I wish to repeat once more that I am not a marriage coach or counselor at all, but just a man who has been married to the same woman for the past 28 years, and still prepared to remain married to her for the remaining part of my life. I believe that the time Joyce and I have spent together peacefully; and that though both of us being not perfect in any way yet having succeeded in our marriage does give us some credit and room to instruct those younger than ourselves in marriage.

I have always been able to look at my wife's shortcomings and successes from both a father and brother's point of view. I would come home after work and Joyce would have prepared a "not so good meal" this happened quite often simply because we both come from different families that prepared their meals differently as well. When this happened the husband in me would wish to complain and criticize her but then the Father and the elder brother in me would quickly come to the surface and understand her point of view with regards to the meal at hand. I had to override my criticism with a compliment and a bit of help to make it a better meal. And this was purely my own opinion of a better meal because I was using my moms cooking as a point of reference, and Joyce was preparing the meals using her moms methods. At this point allow me once more to say that if you are looking for a wife or a husband just like your mom or dad then you might as well call off the search as there are no duplicates in that department. This could even be worse if you are already married to someone and you are trying to transform them into becoming that.

What I have shared in the past two articles; about the type of families we come from, the experiences we had, and above all else the possibility of us not becoming any different from our parents became the very reasons why that afternoon 29 years ago we decided we were going to get married anyhow. That day as my father's son I knew that his failures were not transferable at all.That I was an individual created in the image and likeness of God with a written plan for my life by God. My heart was filled with great compassion, compassion I could not explain even up to this day. When I looked at Joyce at that time the first I realized was that the last thing she needed in her life was a husband. I knew she was right when she said she was not going to get married to any man. Joyce being the her mother's only child needed first an elder brother, then a father, then a friend, and lastly a husband. I knew that if I can successfully became all these in the same order then I can ultimately become the husband she never wanted.

Joyce told me how she grew up in a family where her father was never present. She said she never knew him or saw him, and she was told that he passed away when she was still too young to can remember anything. This apparently led her to experiencing a life that was not the kind that any kid would appreciate have. To top it all off even the house they were living in did not belong to her mother, it was a "family house" as they are known in township lingo and all the homeless relatives had the right to find shelter in it. She witnessed how her mother single handedly struggled to make ends meet, and how the only male figures; her uncles also did not have much time for a kid who was not their biological offspring. As we spoke I could pick up that she had a deep rooted resentment for men. This put me at the crossroads of whether I should give up or try harder to convince her to give us a chance since we both came from dis-functional families. At this I must say that in my heart I felt much drawn to her than before. I knew it in my heart that I could be that man who can make both Joyce and my mother to believe that there are still better men in this world . But as to how I hoped to pull off this one, only God knew. I had no idea at all as to how I would embark on the task. Well, the truth about Joyce's father was that he was alive and well all this time, but she only met him on the afternoon after her mother's funeral, and this was 17 years after we got married.

First I wish to indicate that I'm not a marriage counselor at all. therefore I'm not too sure if this disqualifies me from speaking on the subject, Especially trying to speak to others about it at this level. But I'm trying to convince myself that being a product of a broken marriage myself yet having succeeded in remaining committed to the same woman for 28 years should at least give me an audience with my peers and those who are younger than myself in marriage. Having said that I also wish to indicate that I will not be able to speak on the whole matter all at once in this article. I will speak a little each day until I have said all I can.

A CALL TO CONTENTMENT
Most people think that a call to contentment by God is a way of keeping us mum and depriving us of our freedom to question God about situations and the things that we don’t like. I wish to highlight that I was not taught contentment by the Church but by my parents. In our family you never complained just for the sake of doing so, we were taught to make sure that our grievances were legitimate or else you got an hour long lecture for ‘taking things for granted’. More than this affecting us negatively it helped us to view things in a more realistic and Godly manner, and unlike most kids we grew up more appreciative than negative. As I mentioned in one of my previous articles; my family was more on the average side of life, not very poor but definitely not rich either. We grew up knowing and acknowledging that it took a lot of efforts from our parents’ side to keep us the children alive. How I wish that today’s generation could just realize that too.