I also wish to highlight that in my speaking about marriage I may not be successful in satisfying the beliefs of all who will read this article, simply because I am also driven by both my faith and my personal experiences. This should therefore be viewed with an open mind by the readers. And should I be biased in any way along the line I beg for your pardon well in advance. Feel free to comment on that because your view will be of great input to the subject.
Let me start by indicating that from my teens I grew up in a family where our father was non-resident. They divorced when I was 12. So I was practically raised by a woman and most of the "man things " that I have learnt at that time I learnt in the streets of Soweto. It was only after I became an active Christian that I had to re-visit my way of doing things the "man's way" that and both read the Bible and learn from other Christian men.
When I thought about marriage the first thing that I realized was that I was afraid to make such a commitment. It only became apparent at that time that the problems that I grew up witnessing in my parents marriage including all the confrontations that came with them were engraved in my mind. Though I knew without doubt that I both loved and liked Joyce I still had that deep rooted apprehension about asking her to become my wife. I thought to myself: "if my parents' marriage failed how on earth will mine work?" When we met I was 21 and she was 19 and still at school. By this time I was already working. I started working at 17 in 1976 during the Soweto riots. All it took to confirm my doubts and fears about marriage was just one question to Joyce. I asked her: "what do you think about marriage?", and the answer I got was shocking yet assuring to me that I was not just hallucinating; marriage is for dare devils and not for people like me.[at this point I get a feeling that this begins to sound like a love novel] Anyway let me continue.
The answer she gave me was loud and clear and to the point. Joyce told me that she did not mind being in a relationship with me. Yes she loved me but she was not going to marry any man on this planet and I was not exempt from that rule. Well, to say I was disappointed would be lying. I had the confirmation to what I already had on the inside.
Joyce had planned that she was going to become an independent mother. She would have kids, a house, car and everything else that would bring her fulfillment but be would not be married. Well, this was not as bad as I thought at least the kids part meant I can still be involved because she can't make them by herself. [lol]
It was at this point that I realized that I was not alone. Marriage is indeed a serious challenge.
To be continued...