Why I Think Some Marriages fail Despite All Good Efforts To Make Them Work - Part 2

Joyce told me how she grew up in a family where her father was never present. She said she never knew him or saw him, and she was told that he passed away when she was still too young to can remember anything. This apparently led her to experiencing a life that was not the kind that any kid would appreciate have. To top it all off even the house they were living in did not belong to her mother, it was a "family house" as they are known in township lingo and all the homeless relatives had the right to find shelter in it. She witnessed how her mother single handedly struggled to make ends meet, and how the only male figures; her uncles also did not have much time for a kid who was not their biological offspring. As we spoke I could pick up that she had a deep rooted resentment for men. This put me at the crossroads of whether I should give up or try harder to convince her to give us a chance since we both came from dis-functional families. At this I must say that in my heart I felt much drawn to her than before. I knew it in my heart that I could be that man who can make both Joyce and my mother to believe that there are still better men in this world . But as to how I hoped to pull off this one, only God knew. I had no idea at all as to how I would embark on the task. Well, the truth about Joyce's father was that he was alive and well all this time, but she only met him on the afternoon after her mother's funeral, and this was 17 years after we got married.

The most mysterious thing though is that all along this gentleman had been part of the community where Joyce grew up. He even visited the family as a "family friend" from time to time. Only God knows how come nobody dared to tell her he was her father. What happened between him and Joyce's mom?
Joyce's mother passed away on the 12th January 1999 and she was still silent on the issue and the man passed away last year 2009 and Joyce helped to bury him. And I wish to highlight that up to this day she does not have all the answers she wants to most of the questions she grew up with

With me on the other hand I saw my parents' marriage begin to crumble right before our eyes. From when I was 9 my parents began to argue a lot behind their bedroom door. Even though I was young it became apparent that they were no longer at peace with each other. We the children got used to hearing our mother begging my father to "make it work" for the sake of us the children. I did not know what that actually meant at that age. Now I do and I thank God that I have never reached a point in my marriage life where I had to stay married to Joyce for my kids sake. We became familiar with their arguments which sometimes led to almost physical confrontations. One day I will never forget was the day when my father came home with another woman, and since at that time my mother was spending most of her time at work and only came home on some days, Even though this arrangement was bad for us the kids, it somehow worked for the sake of peace.  I think my my father did not expect her to come home that day but unfortunately she did.. 

This was the first time in our lives to witness physical confrontation between my parents. My mother took an axe and chopped the bedroom door open. The rest I can't remember even as much as I try to remember today I still remain blank about it. All I remember is that; that day was the beginning of the end of us living together as a happy family, and three years down the line when I was 12 I had to choose which parent I wanted to live with. And this was done in court. I told the magistrate that I wanted to stay with my mother. There were only two of us minor children at that time and my younger brother who is 4 years younger than me could not make such a decision. My three eldest sisters were free from making such decisions.

I thank god that unlike Joyce later in my life I had the opportunity to ask my mother all the questions I had about her relationship with my father, and before my father passed away I had the best 2 weeks of my life with him. He was in hospital and I visited him daily until one Friday afternoon when I went to check on him and I found that he could no longer talk. He went on to be with the Lord on the Sunday morning.

To be continued...

This entry was posted on Thursday, May 19, 2011 . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .


we are waiting in suspense for part 3!

What Part 3? that's all I had to say.... :-)

Our country is losing it. Today I read an article on the Star newspaper about the ceremony that was held at soccer city. Traditional healers slaughtered a cow and shed blood as sign of welcoming the visitors that will be coming to SA. This is pathetic and we really need to call on our God. I plead with all of you to pray for our country we are really losing it. I sometimes wonder what God says in heaven when He looks at this beatiful country doing stupid and evil things like this. I believe that we need prayerful and role models in days like this and me and you can be those people that when God looks down on earth He can smile and same well done my child. Pastor thank you for part 5 interesting and insightful information. I wish it was tomorrow and read about part 6, from Abe