Today's articles is aimed at giving direction to those not already married. Simply because all that I will be saying in this article will be focusing more on offering preventative measures than giving curative ones. I wish to continue on the seriousness of compatibility or the lack thereof in relationships. In our previous articles I have touched on the subject of Principles and Preferences and how Joyce and I are able to live peacefully around them. This is simply so because we have realized that we are different in many ways than one. I also need to emphasize that two people can only agree or disagree to the extent they agree to do so. Without having common ground around these issues always becomes a bone of contention. Also be aware that agreeing or disagreeing will also be determined by the level of their maturity. It is also important to note that maturity has absolutely nothing to do with one's age.
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We lived peacefully for the remaining part of our lives and tried to shake off all the troubles we had gone through. It seemed like my father had somehow evaporated, we never saw him or heard from him until I was 25. This was 12 years after. I met Joyce in 1980 and within 2 years we were customarily married. We stayed with my mother at home. In 1984 we had a celebration which our families really wanted us to have. All the happenings of that day were very special to both Joyce and I as we celebrated with our families and friends, everything just went well and we were excited.

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We ultimately reached our eldest sister's place three kilometers away at around five or so. Our journey from our home to there was the longest I have traveled so far in my life. The longest in the sense that I was only 11, afraid and full of questions as to why was all these were happening to us. What happened to our family? or was is it all a bad dream that I would wake up from. All these questions shot through my mind like bullets from a machine gun and none of them hit the target anyway instead they left me as blank as a they found me. The next thing I vividly remember asking again and again in my head was; was there really a God out there? I used to hear my parents talking about God in our home and my dad was himself a preacher, and we used to have Church at our home ever Sunday. At that time I must confess that I doubted the existence of God simply because I kept asking questions and for some reasons only known to him, He never felt obliged to reply. On reaching our sisters place we did not even know how to explain our sudden unexpected arrival, moreover in this bad weather.

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It took a number of months before our church income began to improve. And I must confess that money was the last thing on my mind at that point. I realized that I needed more cash than our Church was generating in order to survive. I mean here I was doing well on a fourteenth of my original income. Remember that before the job I quit was paying me R7500 per month, and here I was now earning R500. So I figured out that even if our Church made R5000 per month it was not going to change my situation at all. I hope you get my point of view. If you cannot learn from your trials or challenges then you are most likely never to learn from any other source around you.
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A person never realizes how much they were actually injured until that old sore, so to speak is touched even by the slightest of objects. I truly believe that I had forgiven my father, and yes I did but I only realized yesterday that I grew up not knowing how to be a father to children. I believe that these things are not part of the general information that one can get from around them, they are not "caught" as the saying goes but they are taught. As a kid I grew up hating my father and I had too many reasons to justify it, and the things I detested him for according to my judgement back then were deserving of a very slow and painful death, but since that was not possible I found that hating him would do just fine. I wanted to grow up and be someone he would admire but never identify with in any way, and this is still the case with many kids who were given a raw deal by their fathers.
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I woke up today not feeling not too well about myself for no particular reason whatsoever. First I wished that it was not Sunday, but then I remembered that I am the Pastor of our Church and I was supposed to go to Church. So I had no choice. Joyce had already left as she usually does so around seven. I reluctantly woke up and fortunately for me I enjoy making up the bed so this was no big deal at all. I am not too sure if feeling sorry for yourself without any reason is common or is it just my experience. And I must say that it happens quite often with me I have even started to blame my womapause for it. Doctors have proven that men over 40 do have womapause which is an equivalent of menopause for men. Well if it's indeed womapause I certainly feel it more than most men do. To me today was just an ordinary Sunday until my cell phone gave a received message tone, another thing most Pastors don't prefer on Sundays. because It could be bad news that will change the rest of your day or just a Sunday morning encouragement from a Church member. Do I take it or not? I left it and went for a shower (the real shower) I kept thinking about the message  my mind  trying to see if I could guess who it came from and what it was about. I chose to settle for the easiest answer and that was maybe it came from Joyce since she left earlier she forgot something that she wanted me to bring along I settled for this answer since it made more sense than all others.
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* God is not interested in perfect people, rather He is looking for people He can perfect in doing two things. First in pursuing their purpose and secondly in finding and acknowledging the source of their perfection
* Trying to be perfect without God is like trying to run your car on water, you are guaranteed to go nowhere
* It is God who ignites in us the desire to run after our purpose
* God preserves our dreams until we are able to fulfill them, therefore we can boldly declare that in Him there is no failure
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After knowing what preferences are and how to handle them, I want us to go through principles. I have come across folks who claim to be living without following any strict principles. They say their lives are not controlled by any law at all. What these guys don't realize is that living by no principles is a principle by itself just as Lawlessness is a law by itself. People who break the law simply don't agree with it and as a result they live by their own laws. Therefore they have their own self made principles that govern them. Principles are standards; rules; beliefs;theories and attitudes that were handed down from one generation to another. Or that are laid out by anyone to govern themselves;or other people; or things. Let me give you an example of some of my own principles: I don't lend people money, I would rather give it to them simply because I try to avoid any future disputes just in case they can't pay me back I made this principle after being at loggerheads with folks. In the same way I don't borrow money from anyone for the same reasons. This is my principle on money. But then same rule changes between me and the bank because I do borrow money from the bank.
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