Why I Think Some Marriages Fail Despite All Good Efforts To make Them Work - Part 10

A big thank you to all those who responded to my call for at least 10 responses. I also wish to emphasize the importance of feed back and dialogue. With us talking around these issues whether we agree or totally disagree it will certainly help us and the others to find themselves within these topics and opinions and be able to get their direction. And that is the whole idea of the efforts i'm making towards the wellbeing of others.So come on, help me
Today I wish to touch on the point of Incompatibility as one of the many reasons why most marriages break up. The following is an excerpt from the wiktionary about the different meanings of my topic in relation to different fields of disciplines
  1. (telecommunications) the capability of two or more items or components of equipment or material to exist or function in the same system or environment without mutual interference.
  2. (computing) the ability to execute a given program on different types of computers without modification of the program or the computers. 
  3. (computing) the capability that allows the substitution of one subsystem (storage facility), or of one functional unit (e.g., hardwaresoftware), for the originally designated system or functional unit in a relatively transparent manner, without loss of information and without the introduction of errors.
  4. (structural analysis) the continuity or good fit of material or members or components while being deformed
And the bible's own interpretation of compatibility is summed up in the following statement cited from the book of Amos 3:3 "Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?" It is simply called agreement.
If humans could operate like machinery, most of the petty issues that surround many marriages would be dealt with without much sweat and cost to us. Looking at the above definitions of the word compatibility I realize how important it is to make sure that we get hooked up with people not only of the same vision but also of the same material so to speak. The above definitions have highlighted a number of words that can be used in relation to human communication and marriages in order for us to understand better what compatibility is and how to be in a position to get a resolve every time we have those breakdowns, be they major or minor.

First let us look at the word system. The word simply means structure or method amongst many other meanings. This would simply mean that for our marriages to begin we must first look at the most practical family structure that will come out of our unity should we come together as husband and wife. Simply because marriage is a union of two different people. It is not easy to find folks who are exactly the same in every manner. Now the mistake that most guys do is that even though they are able to realize that the unity of them both would spell disaster they ignore the outcome by focusing on the motivating factors which may include status, economics, convenience etc. The emphasis in telecommunications is that: two or more items or components of equipment or material (Must be able) to exist or function in the same system or environment without mutual interference.
We have come across so many marriages which were obviously wrong from the onset and have wondered how on earth did these two find common or mutual ground. Men prefer some qualities in women and it's the same with women, they prefer some men to others. Most men prefer beauty and physical attraction to brains and most Women prefer financial security and status to morals. Please note that this is not the case with all marriages and sexes. And my own observation has revealed that it is not easy to find all these attractive and beneficial qualities in one person. Many times I have said it in our Church that life has a way of making sure that everyone has an advantage and as a result MOST (not all) beautiful and attractive ladies don't have the brains to go with the beauty, while on the other hand it's the not so attractive ones who have all the brains.The same applies to the male species. Most of the rich athletes, soccer players and rugby players are not handsome. On the other hand the most handsome males can't tell you the square root of 9. They are most likely to answer: what square root?

According to the above definitions compatibility will remain the same be it taken to a higher or lower level, simply because the abilities of all components were realistically measured before being used together. I am not trying to do away with faith, confessions, dreams and revelations. As a matter of fact all my case studies with regards to these examples are Christians. The truth is most of us are in total denial about ourselves and subsequently refuse to accept our fate all in the name of religious beliefs. The other truth is that if you go on and intentionally ignore the fact that you and and your fiance have too many things in contrast and hope to pray or believe them away you are heading for disaster. Sometimes it might not even be too many things but just one huge thing in contrast you are likely to live to regret it. believe me when I say everyone has their own type of person but because we don't judge ourselves soberly we overlook such and end up going a notch up or down and that is exactly what was needed to create chaos.

With regards to structural analysis compatibility is described as: the continuity or good fit of material or members or components while being deformed. Amen to that. Let me give you one example from the book of Job 2:9 in my own words here it goes: "Then when Job's wife realized that what she married Job for was taken away, for the very first time she became honest and said to Job. Please die and set me free because what I came here for is now gone". This is exactly what is meant by the vision of structural analysts: there must be Continuity of good fit even while the components are being deformed. And this is true rust does not destroy the structure it just deforms it and so are challenges to relationships. And now here's a good example of what compatibility is, even while there is deformation. 1 Samuel 25:23-25 "When Abegail saw David she quickly got off her donkey and bowed down before David with her face to the ground. She fell at his feet and said: my lord let the blame be on me alone. Please let your servant speak to you; hear what your servant has to say. May my lord pay no attention to that wicked man Nabal, He is just like his name his name if fool, and folly goes with him..." Now let me ask you a question: what is the difference between these two ladies and who seems to know who she was married to and was totally compatible with their partner? It's obvious isn't it? It looks like Abegail knew what she was getting herself into before hand or else Abegail had become so compatible over the years that she was well prepared to "evolve" with what she was stuck with. Do you get the picture?. To be continued... MVK

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 15, 2010 . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .


Yes, compatibility is so imperative. Having concentrated on your last portion comparing Job's wife and Abegail, how often do we see a woman or a man, "evolve" to suit their spouse or to be able to work together? It is quite rare in our generation. Our generation wants ready-made husbands and wives - I remember your statement when you said, "when you decide to get married, you to like that persons' ability and disability" - I think Abegail did that quite well.


Its easier to love the ability than the disability. But I think it comes with the aspect of a MR Right or MRS Right. Coz you dont expect them to lack in anything. I totally agree eith you Kutlwano our generation are looking for ready made partners. And reality is it becomes good in the first 2-3 years but later on you see two people who have literaly become enemies to eachother because the other partner was not compatible. They were so 'inlove" at the time that they did not take time to oversee their own future.

Moruti this is where marraige for me becomes complicating. Does it really require you to analys all aspects of your relationship? Or do you simply need to mature yourself in decision you make as you go along?