These complaints are of the sort that make Will and Guy laugh, sometime out loud. You just couldn't make them up; yet, on the other hand the things that people moan about are unbelievable.
1. A small deer came into my camp and stole my bag of pickles. Is there a way I can get reimbursed?
2. Escalators would help on steep uphill sections.
3. Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.
4. Found a smouldering cigarette left by a horse.
5. Trails need to be reconstructed. Please avoid building trails that go uphill.
6. Too many bugs and leeches and spiders and spider webs. Please spray the wilderness to rid the area of these pests.
7. Chairlifts need to be in some places so that we can get to wonderful views without having to hike to them.
8. The coyotes made too much noise last night and kept me awake. Please eradicate these annoying animals.
9. Need more signs to keep area pristine.
10. A McDonald's would be nice at the trailhead.
11. Too many rocks in the mountains.
12. The places where trails do not exist are not well marked
The Hiker's Rucksack
A group of friends went out rambling one day and decided to pair off in twos for the afternoon. That evening one of them returned alone, staggering under the weight of a heavy rucksack.
'Where's Bertram?' the other ramblers ask.
Bertram's mate, Ronald, replied, 'Bertram must have had a heart attack. He just keeled over and died a couple of miles back up the path.'
The other ramblers gasped and then one of them asked, 'You left Bertram laying out there and carried the rucksack back?'
'It was a difficult decision,' agreed Ronald. 'But I thought that nobody would steal Bertram.'
Two Girls Hiking and a Bear
Anne and Tara, two hikers on a trail came around the bend to find an enormous brown bear about 85 metres up the trail.
The bear spots the two girls and begins running towards them at a full tilt.
Tara drops her backpack, sits down, throws off her boots, and starts lacing up a pair of running shoes.
Anne says to Tara, 'What are you doing? You will never be able to outrun that bear.'
Tara replies, 'I don't have to outrun the bear………………………….
Ten Random Fascinating Facts About Reptiles
1. There are 8,240 species of reptiles in the world, inhabiting every continent except Antarctica.
2. Reptiles and amphibians are cold-blooded animals, which means that they depend on external sources, such as the sun, to maintain their body temperatures. Since they don't burn energy to heat internal "furnaces," reptiles eat 30 to 50 times less food than do birds and mammals [warm-blooded animals] of similar sizes.
3. One way to tell a frog and a toad apart: frogs have smooth, clammy skin, while toads have more dry, bumpy skin. Both frogs and toads lay their eggs in water, but toads spend more of their time on land than do frogs.
4. Only a few hundred of the world's 3,000 snakes are venomous. In the United States, only rattlesnakes, copperheads, cottonmouths, and coral snakes are poisonous. More Americans die each year from bee and wasp stings than from snake bites.
5. Apparently Turtles can recognize faces and can do tricks.
6. A gathering of frogs is called an army.
7. The greatest age known for any snake is just under 30 years, attained by both the anaconda and the black-lipped cobra.
8. Effects of the bites of both Black and Green Mambas produce neurotoxins, which is why they kill so fast. The Black Mamba is more venomous.
9. Nile crocodiles have been known to reach speeds of up to 29 miles per hour.
10. Crocodiles have a surprising vocal range which includes hissing and during the mating season they will produce fearsome roars and bellows.
IT COULD BE TRUE THAT
1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
2. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
3. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
4. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
5. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
6. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
7. Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss.
8. If you lend someone R20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
9. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
10. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.
11. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the Escape key.
12. For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
13. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
14. If you dig a hole for someone else, you'll fall into it. - Hungarian proverb
15. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
16. Indecision is the key to flexibility.
17. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
18. One seventh of your life is spent on Monday.
19. You never truly understand something until you can explain it to your grandmother.
20. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
The Wisdom of An Angel
An angel appears at a meeting of religious leaders and tells their leader that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behaviour, God will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty.
Without hesitating, the leader selects infinite wisdom.
'Done!' says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.
Now, all heads turn toward the leader, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light.
One of the others whispers, 'Say something.'
The leader sighs and says, 'I should have taken the money.'
A Word to the Wise
• Patience is the companion of wisdom - Saint Augustine
• Never discourage anyone who continually makes progress, no matter how slow - Aristotle
• To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it - Confucius
• He that cannot reason is a fool. He that will not is a bigot. He that dare not is a slave - Andrew Carnegie
• An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind - Shakyamuni Buddha
• The only way to have a friend is to be one - Ralph Waldo Emerson
• You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist - Indira Gandhi
• You must be the change you wish to see in the world - Mahatma Gandhi
• A bowl belongs to whoever needs it - A Native American saying
• Without memory, there is no healing; without forgiveness, there is no future - Desmond Tutu
• Wise men talk because they have something to say. Fools talk because they have to say something - Plato
The Funny Wisdoms of Life:
Some Are Witty and Some Are Even True
1. The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity. But not in that order - Brian Pickrell
2. Never miss an opportunity to make others happy, even if you have to leave them alone in order to do it - Author unknown
3. He has a face like a Saint - A Saint Bernard - Unknown
4. I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer - Douglas Adams
5. The empty vessel makes the greatest sound - William Shakespeare
6. Silence and smile are two powerful words. Smile is the way to solve many problems and Silence is the way to avoid many problems - Anon
7. Knowledge talks, wisdom listens
8. There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full - Henry Kissinger
9. He could start a row in an empty house - Sir Alex Ferguson on footballer Dennis Wise
10. I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure - Clarence Darrow
11. He has all the virtues I dislike, and none of the vices I admire - Winston Churchill
12. I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure - W.C. Fields
13. In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back - Charlie Brown
14. To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone - Reba McEntire
15. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway - Anon
16. Mistakes are painful when they happen, but years later a collection of mistakes called Experience leads us to success
17. A wise man listens to advice - Proverbs 12:15
THINK ABOUT IT
The mediocre teacher tells.
The good teacher explains.
The superior teacher demonstrates.
The great teacher inspires - William A. Ward
GET RICH NOW
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.