I went home and tried to scream like I saw them do and also tried to use some of the poetic terms I heard in Church but I ended up being drawn to talking to God just like I would talk to someone I had known for some time. I ended up not knowing whether praying was the words we speak or the style we employ in order to convey the words we speak.
This had led to me always questioning if God heard me when I prayed and the only thing that would confirm that He heard my prayers would be the materialization of my requests. And since then I became results orientated in that department. I speak to God, and then wait to see if He answers. If the answer comes, fine, He heard me and if it doesn’t come, maybe it’s a no or a wait a little longer. This is how I have been living my ‘prayer’ life
I started to talk to God seriously about my concerns in the ‘protection department’. On the day that I got saved I had eight firearms in my home. Some were mine and others had come for repairs and ‘service’ from the streets. So I went home that day and had a solemn conversation with God. I told Him that I was willing to let go off these guns but I needed to make a deal with Him and the deal was “God prove to me that you can actually protect me then I will get rid of all these things”. The following day on Monday I took the 7 guns and gave some back to their owners and the others I just gave away to others.
I only kept one gun because in my conversation with God I said that on the day that He protects me evidently I will get rid of this one too. And as much as many would argue and condemn this whole act I thank God that they are not God. He understood me very well because what would follow later became my very first breakthrough in the issue of Prayer and Faith. I had learnt somewhere in the Bible about a man called Gideon he asked God to do a few things just so that Gideon could be convinced and god did those things.
This should teach us that God and Christians don’t think on the same frequency and that when you approach Him rather listen to your heart and let that be your starting point.
It was under this atmosphere that I started to talk to God about my life. Things did not change immediately so I continued to carry my unlicensed gun in the meantime and I also had a huge ‘jungle’ knife under the spare wheel in the boot of my car. One morning at work I had an argument with one of my colleagues who was a karate student. The man was aggressive by nature and he did not hesitate in promising me a hiding. Now here I was trusting God to show me that He can protect me so that I can get rid of whatever was left of my earthly armoury and take on the weapons of the spirit. I tried hard to avoid him even apologizing for what I did not do but he did not budge, the man was in a fighting mode.
The guy started pulling and pushing me around, I left the area where we were working and went to another department. He followed me there and tried to slap me. I lost my temper and you can imagine the rest. Some of our colleagues came and pulled me off the karate man. The guy had clean forgotten how to use his skills on me. I came from the streets where self defence and survival were very crucial. Growing up without an elder brother every time I had conflict with older boys in the streets my sisters could do nothing except to try and offer me counselling about the futility of engaging in street fights. So I had to make sure that I knew how to take care of myself otherwise ‘you become easy meat’
I left the guy badly cut and bleeding, and to make things worse this was violation of company rules, I could be fired for fighting at work. My supervisor was a very understanding man who really liked me because I was a good employee with the exception of this regrettable situation. I got away with this incident but my heart sank right to the bottom of my stomach. I felt so discouraged. Was this a test from God? Did I fail to prove him?
This was an obvious failure on my side and I could almost hear the devil laugh at me.
I spent the rest of the day feeling worthless and embarrassed. Some of my colleagues taunted me and worsened my already bad situation.
That evening I was too humiliated to even speak to God so I did not pray. I just went to bed and woke up the next morning not feeling any better at all. I only took courage the day after and spoke to God about it, all in a very defensive manner. I told Him that if He remembered well it was that guy who started the whole thing. I also reminded God how I tried to walk away from the man yet he followed me. God said nothing, I guess He just listened to me and decided to let me sort myself out. So I had to make another commitment not to fight for myself and let Him do it for me. To be continued. MVK