Why I Think Some Marriages Fail Despite All Good Efforts To make Them Work - Part 13

In our previous article I tried to highlight the importance of compatibility in the Spiritual realm. And please be aware that my opinions on these issues remain open to criticism. When I began sharing on this subject I made it clear that I am not a marriage counsellor and that I will be approaching the subject from a marriage partner's point of view. I have been married to the same woman for 28 years and not once did we need to go for marriage counselling and neither did we get any pre marital counselling. The principles that I’m sharing here with you are our own self made ethics that we made up after reaching a few “cul de sacs” in our relationship. I might be wrong but it has worked for us for the past 28 years. 
Secondly I also wish to indicate that we did not keep these philosophies under wraps but we put them to the test by asking other couples younger than ourselves to try them and they yielded the same results. I have a young couple in our Church that I married about 10 years ago, I asked them to try the same principles in their marriage and they have never been to a marriage counsellor for the past 10 years. Neither did they have any problem that needed an outsider to intervene; somehow they were able to handle with success whatever issues they had. So I am just saying try them; if they work great and if they don’t praise God that we have a lot of powerful help out there, go and talk to someone. But then I must also say that make sure that you receive counselling from people who are on the same Spiritual wavelength as you are.

Well, let’s get into the next point. In the last article I mentioned that man is a three part being. Namely: Spirit, Soul and Body and that the most superior or the engine of the three is the Spirit. This is what the bible refers to as the heart. It would be worthwhile also to consider the following scripture Proverbs 4:20 ‘keep your heart with all diligence for out of it spring the issues of life’. The Spirit or the heart is where matters of life and death; success and failure are established and decided and that is why it’s important to not only be of the same mind but to be of the same heart as well.
The next level of compatibility is the Mental or Soul level. This is simple to understand. The soul of man is where the intellect also called the aptitude or intelligence is rooted and controlled. This is clear and easy to identify. Let me give you an example about a very sound and spiritually balanced child of God who is not smart in other areas of life or lacks the necessary level of intelligence in a specific area. Or simply put a well grounded yet stupid Christian. There are other words belonging to the same family with the ones I have already used that describe intelligence they are: cleverness, brain power, and skill. Without being biased or discriminatory in any way I wish to highlight this one truth: God has not equipped us equally when it comes to intellect and this helps each to survive in this world. Imagine a world where all are doctors or a world of engineers only or labourers only. It’s obvious that that kind of world would not survive and that is why it does not exist.
Even though according to the Bible we were created to be like God there is a portion in Genesis chapter 2 which states that after God breathed into man the breath of life, man became a living soul. And it simply means that man became an individual with skill, intelligence, brainpower, aptitude, etc. and this is totally different from man to man. I mean it made us so different that we know who we don’t want to be like.

Now any incompatibility on this level must be very minimal or else it will definitely cause problems in any relationship. If the intellectual gap is too broad in a relationship it will even affect the level at which both parties try to solve their problems. We see this every time we speak to people who don’t reason on the same level. They end up coming for counselling only for us to tell them that what they are both saying is correct, it’s just that they approach it and interpret it on different levels. And this has embarrassed a lot of them.
The next problem with soul incompatibility is that we also use our soul to socialize. And our social lives are also determined by our level of intelligence. To draw you a clearer picture I wish to introduce you to three individuals and they are the soccer boss; the soccer player and the soccer fan. Every time I watch a game between let’s say Kaizer chiefs and Orlando Pirates I always get amazed at how all these three individuals act and react to whatever happens during and after the match. The soccer bosses sit there as if nothing is happening; the players are there showing their skill and the fans would be the ones getting emotionally involved even up to the point of wanting to make decisions forgetting that to the team boss this is business and to the player it’s a career but to them it’s a hobby. Now there are other fans, who know where to draw the line, but the majority don’t and these two are divided by the level of their intelligence. The reason I will not paint my house in the colours of any soccer team is because I know where to draw the line.

Now imagine if you are planning to marry a person who will be willing to religiously follow a soccer team wherever it goes and also you have to sleep with blankets that are branded in the colours of that team. This is not only about soccer but about many other things including music, books, stokvels, hobbies, friends, clubs, social circles, TV programs etc. if you are too different then you might have a challenge.  I wish to refer you to article: Part 7 Published on 31 May about preferences and principles. If you are already in a relationship that is almost like the one I described above you can still manage it through mutual agreement and understanding. But I must say that it requires a lot of compromise and personal growth. To the unmarried I wish to say; take your time, look carefully don’t be deceived by looks as they change with time and like we say in our Church always marry someone you like. That is someone you will be willing to live with without the need to make many alterations, you are most likely to survive in that situation. And if you have too many questions than answers about an individual take it as a clear sign of a very confused future. In that case I say you are better off single than married. Keep it for another day it’s worth doing so. Amen. MVK

This entry was posted on Saturday, June 26, 2010 . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .



Another good read. I especially apreciate the soccer fan example and relate that to a love for another person whereby one is will to do anything to show their love even if it means being one with them spiritualy. I am however concerned with our first paragraph where you say that you are not a marriage counsellor. I say this because from what I have read, it seems as if you have a lot to offer to young couples. My father always said that a lot of read the bible and only a few understand it. Is it not possible that we the readers might misinterpret one or two things from the articles and hence we might need your guidenece in a form of some counselling. As 'moroti' as you are affectionately referred to, are you not a counsellor by default? if you yielded such goods results with one of your couples through giving them a few tips, I just believe that maybe more positive results can be achieved through you offering these to both married and those planning to get married. If I can refer to one of your quotes about, hmmm, can't seem to find your quotes anymore, don't know why though, I think it was about we never seem to make the wise decisions until the bad ones force us to, something like that....

Hi and thanks for your feedback. Yes, I agree with you that by default being a Moruti I should be considered a counselor. What I meant was that I do not possess the necessary qualifications to be a marriage counselor. For me it seems right to make mention of that just so that my opinions should not be viewed as authoritative but merely as thoughts or suggestions. none the less I get your point and thanks. I am re-arranging the quotations page. it was a bit untidy. it will up by this afternoon. MVK

Sho!!! e kare ke ya bona ke robetse ka dikobo tsa Pirates!!! Ka poster ya Teko Modise behind the wall... lol