Why I Think Some Marriages Fail Despite All Good Efforts To make Them Work - Part 15


Today I wish to get into another not so well understood subject. It’s about soul ties. This is how I understand the theory of Soul ties. In our previous articles I mentioned the Spiritual and the Soul part of man and how each functions. About the soul part of man I wish to reveal the following; this is the part where emotions, feelings, love, hurt, hatred and moods, are seated. It is also the part that we use for belonging, that is the part that makes us feel that we want to be part of certain people. Now what happens is that once a matter has been decided in one’s soul it becomes hard for other’s whose souls are not involved in the matter to understand the viewpoint of this person. Let me give you an example about a friend who is so madly in love with someone you have not met as yet. They keep telling you about the person until you want to see them. Before you meet the ‘love of their life’ you draw many possible pictures about how they look like based on the infatuation of your friend. Then comes the day when you have to put the face to the picture drawn, and you can’t believe your eyes!

Do yet get my point? The first thing you ask yourself is; why? You wonder what the excitement was all about because the truth is you would never accept that person even if they were offered to you fully paid for. Please take no offence and follow me, I’m taking you somewhere. What is the difference between what you see and what your friend sees? Now can you realize that we only use our eyes to capture the information but then we see them through the part of our soul called the mind? So remember that the eyes are the camera and the soul or the mind is the processor of the information captured.

Have you tried to consider why people love different colours? My favourite colour is black and as a matter of fact I don’t mind matching black with another black, that’s how much I love black. Joyce likes Gold, Silver and white. I have more than a dozen black T shirts and others only differ with labels but I can tell you the real difference between them simply because I like black. How about those who love green, especially when it is matched with purple! Are they abnormal? No they are perfectly normal. And that is why we also see people differently and like different people too. I think God did this on purpose and it’s working out quite well. Everyone has someone they like and it’s just fair, don’t you agree?

Now when we speak about soul ties we’re referring to soul attractions. These are objects, people and other things that one feels attracted to and finds it hard to separate with simply because their mind has bonded with these things. Every time we get too close to any individual our souls begin to communicate and we develop affection towards each other. We find ourselves protecting them without reason and even willing to go far just to help them. At this stage it cannot be classified as being in love with the person even though there is a very thin line between love and affection. For the sake of my illustration let me differentiate the two using another illustration. Let’s say a male works in an office with a female and they are total strangers and as a matter of fact they both have people they’re already in love with. They begin to treat each other as casual as possible but some two months down the line the ice between them has been broken and they begin to talk about their families, their loved ones, their kids, and many other things. The next is when one goes to the canteen they ask the other if they can bring them something. This becomes a progression of some kind until one day there is a problem with public transport and one feels that they can’t just let the other suffer through the ordeal. Now if I stop here and tell you that these two are not in love it is just affection that comes from the developing soul tie between them it would be hard for you to believe, but it’s true. The only problem is most people don’t know when to stop simply because they are unable to differentiate between what they feel and how they should handle it.

Everyone has a soul tie of some kind with someone; doctors and nurses develop soul ties with patients, taxi drivers have theirs with some passenger, newspaper vendors and customers and the list goes on. The only problem I have mentioned is that most people don’t know when to stop. Some people can handle this very well and I’m one of those who can. I use principles that govern life, relationships, love, marriage, friendships, kindness, brotherhood etc. everything in life is governed by some principle. Just look at how the bible addresses the issue of love with an assumption that we will understand the principles that govern it. The book of Matthew 22:29 love your neighbour (as you love yourself) now let me ask you questions; do you want to kiss yourself? How about having sex with yourself? Now do you understand what the bible is saying here? There is love that does not want to do any of the above. It is called; the God kind of love. This love comes from the same soul but does not have sexual or fleshly feelings attached to it. Then there is another love commanded in Ephesians 5:25 husbands love your wives… this is clearly different from the one commanded above. From this love we witness deeper and unreserved affection which includes kissing, fondling, and sex.

Now it is clear that I can use the same soul to love everyone on different levels and within different restrictions. This is so because I simply understand the principles that govern each level. I have been able to hug women of the same age with my wife without any feeling of sexual love for them. Is it because I don’t love them? No, as a matter of fact I love them. It’s just with a different love but from the same soul.
We do not need that our spouses should draw lines between us and our colleagues, Church people and neighbours. This is simply a result of our lack of self control which is by itself a direct result of ignorance of principles. Do you know we have to love our pets too, as well as our enemies? So if love means what you think it does then I’m afraid. By the time two people come together as husband and wife the truth is some of them come into the relationship and have already pre-established soul ties. Some even still have gifts they received from their exes as we call them. Many are suffering as a direct result of this. I once said in our Church; it is unlikely for people who marry for the first time to have sexual problems. This is so simply because by God’s law they are not expected to have any previous experience. You cannot miss what you don’t know. The reason you think that your sex life is a mess is simply because you can compare! Ouch! Did I say that? Yes sir I did. Let’s check another scripture in Genesis 34:1-8 read this portion and you will notice a few things. For starters the gentleman in question actually raped the lady and a strong affection for her developed. He could not stop thinking about her and finally asked his dad to go marry her for him. I can tell you now that it was his first sexual experience. How do I know, isn’t it obvious? How do you rape someone and want to go back unless what you’ve experienced is out of this world! Have you noticed how babies think mashed potatoes are the best taste ever? But wait until they taste pumpkin. The father goes to the lady’s family and says the following ‘The soul of my son Shechem longs for your daughter.’ the old man said since that day my son has lost control of his emotions. He is falling apart and he is no longer himself.

When we come together for the first time in marriage we need to do what Joyce and I did. We talked about everything, yes EVERYTHING. Who we are, where we come from, the things we did with whom we did them. And what was the reason for us doing that? Honestly I don’t know. We had no pre marital counselling. We knew nothing about soul ties. But looking back I’m glad we did. This is important because talking about issues is actually a form of confession and confession brings forgiveness and cleansing. 1 John 1:9 God says ‘I will forgive you and cleanse you from all unrighteousness’. And the word unrighteousness stands for “things that hang on you” things you took from your sinful acts. God cuts them off and we are free to start from scratch. And when our minds try to remind us of such things we are able to deal with them using the weapons of the word of God. We renew our minds because the minds even so powerful can be re-programmed just like we do to a computer. But then we need to format the hard drive of our minds, destroying all the information that causes us problems. Then we reinstall a new operating system and programs. Reinforce it with a trusted antivirus that protects us as we go on with life. And whether I come across my past life somewhere I stay put in my marriage; focussed and living in harmony with my wife.
If you think this is good enough for you to read then pass it on. I’m preparing part two of it. MVK

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 29, 2010 . You can leave a response and follow any responses to this entry through the Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom) .


This is brilliant. Definitely worth spreading.

Surely will pass on the message. Not only good to read but good to build and reinforce the principles of love. This came at the right time Pastoor and thank you.


Informative and very interesting.


This is really an eye opener for me. Although I am not yet married, this is really helping me to get a better understanding on how to achieve a best marriage. We are living in a society where most marriages end up in divorce and it really discourages one to think of getting married. Thank you Vhafunzi for sharing this with us. it is making a huge difference in my life as a young unmarried person. When I get married, I will be well prepared for most of the challenges. Ndi a livhuwa.

MVK.I have not been for any pre-marital counselling. Many of the things said on this blog, you have treated on the pulpit. Its amazing how I have taken what you taught on the pulpit to apply in my marriage to build foundational principles. The issue of soul ties has been used in my marriage when I was asked by my wife what makes people cheat. My answer was, the time one opens themselves up to the realm only her/him and the partner go to then cheating is eminent. What realm? Allowing to go out on frequent (even 1) dinner for 2, accepting consistent gift of roses (or equivelant), regular phone calls and sms or email. Over time if we allow ourselves to have that one person we have a fellowship with that is equivalent (fellowship) with that of our spouse (even if there is no sex or kissing) we open our souls that far and the day there is a little inconvenience in our marriage and are vulnerable, its needless to say what will happen hence people have often used the excuse of saying I did it because I was hurting...MVK thank you for the word that you teach, it works like a 2 edged sword, whilst you mean for it to do this it does something else. Today I have built some strong principles around my family without any marriage.BM