One thing that constantly nag me as I write these articles is that I am aware of the generation gap between me and 99% of my audience. These are people who take me for an old timer who is oblivious to the "latest " facts of life and who failed to not transform. And this is far from the truth' because when I got married back on the 28th November 1982 I thought we were the sophisticated generation back then. I thought that our marriages were that different from our parents, but on closer inspection the only true and evident difference was that our wives could wear slacks when my mother and her generation could not and that was just about the only true difference. otherwise everything else remained unchanged. Now today 28 years after when I look at my daughter and Joyce that gap has been closed and everything else remains unchanged. The principles that governed my parents marriage govern mine and still stand to govern my kids'.
The only true difference between us and our kids is that they think they are the generation that has been chosen to break laws and still make it safely to the other side, and it is not surprising why their rate of divorce is by far higher than that of past generations. The problem here is none other than the marriage principles that are constantly broken. Even back then our fathers used to lose their jobs but it never took away their manly dignity before their wives. They remained confident and the family went on under those circumstances with our mothers carrying the load until the man got back into action. This was a joint venture through thick and thin. It is a fact that times have changed, but principles remain the same. We don't have to break Godly principles simply because one of us is facing a trial. When I lost my job back in 1990 this brought a lot of suffering upon the family but what made us to bounce back was the Godly direction stayed on. We stuck to each other in full focus and with Joyce being fully supportive I was able to think of ways to survive and we did! I will share about it in depth in the future articles. I also fail to understand how a principle understanding couple will have a problem when the wife has lost her job. The truth is this generation is not as smart as they want us to believe they are. I mean losing your job and losing your focus and your peace are totally different. You may not have any control over the job loss of one of you, but you possess one hundred percent control over your focus and your peace. Many lose their jobs and willfully throw away their peace and focus, and the issue here is not the bond or instalments that are to be paid, but the materialistic spirit that has become the motivating factor even over their choice of a marriage partner. If you focussed on Godly principles another job or breakthrough would come sooner than the problems you envisaged.
When girls and boys grow they do so with an inherent knowledge of who they are and what they roles shall be in life, and that is why girls play with dolls and cook in small tins whilst boys play with toy cars and pretend to come home from work to be welcomed by their "wives" with an empty cup of tea. These are clear indications that we do not need anyone to tell us about principles that govern life. When our mothers did housekeeping our sisters helped and when our fathers mended the fence and did gardening we, the boys helped them. Very seldom did it happen the other way around unless in families that only had a boy or a girl. In that case the child overlapped into roles. They were a girl but they became a situational boy and vice versa and this happens in every normal family setup. I cook on a few occasions when the need arises, and this would be when Joyce is late from her appointments and most of the time I do it just to spoil her, but when no one is willing to cook then the question will be who is expected to cook? In the same way Joyce would find herself doing a man's chore when the need arises, but what happens then when the door falls and we're all home and all of us are wondering who's supposed to try and do something about it. These are some of those "missing ingredients" in today's marriages, and though they seem harmless they have great impact on how we relate with each other.
Another thing that I have noticed is that I have always been throwing my underwear in the washing basket, and sometimes missing it and they landed on the floor besides it. Joyce does not as she washes hers every time she takes a bath. I have had a couple of young men complain that their wives keep their underwear in the washing basket too just like boys do. Is this a principle or just a preference? Worse still others complain about ladies' used pads that are thrown into the bin and left there for a while. I must confess that in the 28 years of our marriage I have never come across one of these used items. I have only seen them with our toiletries when they are from the shop still unused. Is there anything such as "old school" in marriage? have things changed that much?. I hope I don't sound biased at all. I have openly condemned men's wrongdoings both in our Church and in this blog. Sometime ago a dear brother in our Church wrote me an E-mail concerned that I sounded very feminist in my comments, and I think that's how unbiased I think I am. I'm simply trying to help find solutions. I wish to stop here. I WILL NOT CONTINUE to Article 10 of this subject until I have at least 10 responses on this topic. We need to have dialogue on this subject. Please send your comments and indicate if you want me to publish it with your name or not. Let's communicate.
MVK
18 comments