I woke up today not feeling not too well about myself for no particular reason whatsoever. First I wished that it was not Sunday, but then I remembered that I am the Pastor of our Church and I was supposed to go to Church. So I had no choice. Joyce had already left as she usually does so around seven. I reluctantly woke up and fortunately for me I enjoy making up the bed so this was no big deal at all. I am not too sure if feeling sorry for yourself without any reason is common or is it just my experience. And I must say that it happens quite often with me I have even started to blame my womapause for it. Doctors have proven that men over 40 do have womapause which is an equivalent of menopause for men. Well if it's indeed womapause I certainly feel it more than most men do. To me today was just an ordinary Sunday until my cell phone gave a received message tone, another thing most Pastors don't prefer on Sundays. because It could be bad news that will change the rest of your day or just a Sunday morning encouragement from a Church member. Do I take it or not? I left it and went for a shower (the real shower) I kept thinking about the message my mind trying to see if I could guess who it came from and what it was about. I chose to settle for the easiest answer and that was maybe it came from Joyce since she left earlier she forgot something that she wanted me to bring along I settled for this answer since it made more sense than all others.
When came out of the shower I grabbed my phone and checked the message and what I saw was not what I expected. The message was from my 19 year daughter Tebogo Kotu my cousin's kid, now mine. Part of it it read: "wishing my special dad a happy fathers day, and it concluded by saying: I love you, may the good Lord do you well" I just stood there with my heart torn apart by this simple yet hard for me to accept message. Whilst I was still in that semi trance state another message came through and this one was from her elder sister and this one concluded by saying: "may the Lord bless you for being such a good father" The truth is for the very first time I realized how much I did not care about fathers day. How insignificant it was to me. It felt like these messages were sent to a wrong person. With phone in my hand I replied to Tebogo's message "Thanx a lot sweetie u made my day. I was not feeling particularly good this morning now I'm looking ahead to a great day. Luv U. MVK" I was after this message that something in me was awoken, something that I believe has been resurrected and all it took was a simple SMS as we call it .
I only realized today that all it took was a simple fathers day wish to remind me of the disappointment and deep resentment I grew up with for my father, and today I had to somehow confront that cold part of me. The part of being a father. I never had a relationship with my dad, Actually I hated my father with all my being and I remember when I grew up I would constantly remind myself that one day I was going to hunt him down and make sure he pays for all the heartaches he caused my mother and us the kids. My father walked out on us when I was only eleven. and my brother was seven. We grew up in a neighbourhood where all dads were present except mine, and without me trying to blame my up bringing it sort of killed something on my inside. Back in 1984 I was 24 when I met my father briefly and this was 12 years since he left us. There was no serious conversation between us and we parted without making any sense to each other and we never met again until 1988.
To be continued...
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MONTOEDI KOTU
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Insightful Thoughts
We are always faced with a challenge of what others think of us even long after God has forgiven us. MVK
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We all need to have an unwavering faith in God, that deep rooted knowledge that it shall be well with us at last. MVK
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A good word uttered in good season often produce good results. MVK
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Talking must always be done like singing it should always be well rehearsed before being released. MVK
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Never give up until you have proven that what you're actually trying to achieve is absolutely unachievable. MVK
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The Bible encourages us to renew our minds and never to remove our minds. MVK
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Rarely does one see the need to think wisely until their bad thinking gets them into trouble. MVK
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No idea is totally bad, if it's not good for today then save it for another day. MVK
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My mind is made up, I want to be a good person, no matter what. MVK
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We need to develop a positive attitude, a mind totally disabled from entertaining negativity. MVK
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ON THE LIGHTER SIDE
OLD WIVES REMEDY
Two old ladies are discussing their husbands over tea."I wish that Fred would stop biting his nails," says one. "it gets me very upset"?
"Rob used to do the same thing," says the other." But I made sure he broke the habit." "How?".... "I hid his teeth."
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